Three Poems

by Ricky Garni

HAUNTED HOUSE

The burger joint closed down today.
Now I will never be able to ask that
kind gentleman behind the counter
How was fishing yesterday? He uses
Alpo for bait.

I was going to buy him a big crate
of Alpo for his birthday, but now
the burger joint has closed down,
and I don’t even know his name,

I don’t know the pond he fishes,
I don’t know his birthday.

I already miss
HIs kind face
his burgers

his french fries
which
were excellent.

The fish.

WATERING THE FLOWERS

I read in the news that there is a glut of crazy glue.
Allison said “relax” and pinched my nose and held
me close to her. I grew faint as things got quiet, and
I dropped my water pitcher onto the something.

••

Once there was a woman named Gaspara.
She didn’t jump in the lake.
But still she felt terrible about her sins.

Her desires. Her being a fugitive in so many ways.
But this was in about 1550 so who knows really.
She turned to Jesus for she knew he could.

Burn the snow off her frozen feet.
Take the ox cart that was on her shoulders.
Pitch it into the woods.
Where it might hit a deer that might say YIKES.

Before she herself spun to the bottom or center of the earth.
Because of the whirlpool that ardor did and drew her into itself.
After the fires of vanity and trivia and manifold desires.

Which were more like a cyclone. A big cyclone.
Which is like a whirlpool without the water.
But with death-making sins. But. However.
She didn’t want to die for her 16th century sins.

She want’d, or wanted, Jesus to save her from death.
Please Pretty Jesus she said save me from death.
Even though Jesus she knew was already dead.
Still, this was in his wheelhouse and also.

On his agenda.
For us all.

Happy to. My Pleasure.
He said, said Jesus Said
Gaspara. Who said Jesus said,
Well, Gaspara. Whose memory is etched.
In our hearts like a stamp is stamped?

On a letter to holy mothers.
When the time is right.
When you stamp that stamp.

With your foot and your foot.
And you get higher. Oh
so higher!

Oh now.
Gaspara! Sweet Mary –
Gaspara

is on fire.

THE WEIGHT OF TUNA POEM

if you want to know
how much a tuna
weighs

then you must type
the following words
and symbols and
punctuation marks

into your computer
or jot them down
in your note pad
for future use:

https:

http://www.google.com
/search?client=
safari&rls=
en&q=

how+much+
does+a+tuna+
weigh&ie=
UTF-8&oe=
UTF-8

I am not
sure what
the last 8
is for or
the ?

U must stand
for ultra
something

also
there is an
odd q in
there too
a q so pretty

q as in:

QUISP


Ricky Garni has worked over the years as a teacher, wine merchant, musician, and graphic designer. He began writing poetry in 1978, and has produced over thirty volumes of prose and verse since 1995. His work can be found in many online publications, print magazines and anthologies and he has been nominated for the Pushcart Prize on seven occasions. COO, a tiny collection of short prose printed on college lined paper with found materials such as coins, stamps, was recently released by Bitterzoet Press. 
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