Two Poems

by Larry D. Thacker

13 of 22 Channels – 6:35 AM

You need this new vacuum, yours sucks, but not enough
You need a machine that gives you a facelift, you’re ugly
You need sexier abs, you’ve got a huge gut
You need these new knives, yours can’t slice hot butter
You need another, even better vacuum, theirs sucks, but ours does it better
You need this cookware, you’ve been too cheap to buy any for years
You need this food processor, it’ll save your miserably unhealthy life
You need this makeup, even though you’re a guy
You need a home gym, since you’re too fucking lazy to drive to the community gym
You need this even better makeup, theirs sucks, and we don’t care you’re a guy
You need this survival equipment sold by a man of God, we’re out of our minds
You need this espresso machine, stopping at a café is so crazy
You need this pillow, yours sucks and this one will change your life

Fifty Grams of Sugar & Spice 

Fifty Grams of Sugar & Spice

Andy shouts out pumpkin spice
something, something for the fifth time

in twelve minutes, surely setting off
some internal groan from under

the breath of college kid chatter
and canned Grateful Dead selections.

But I’m above it all, of course,
here in the corner with my iced grande,

post-noon decaf Americano, glancing
a new Acme Poetry Review, counting

the ampersands and missing ands,
lines randomly enjambed with articles, the

celebrated gibberish of the café swirling
around me tempted into the pen I forgot

in the car I could only hope possessed
its own will and wishes. & And-y shouts

another name: “Pumpkin! Your
regular coffee is ready. Pumpkin!”

Larry D. Thacker’s poetry can be found in over seventy magazines and journals including The Still Journal, Poetry South, Mad River Review, The Southern Poetry Anthology, Mojave River Review, Mannequin Haus, Ghost City Press, Jazz Cigarette, and Appalachian Heritage. His books include Mountain Mysteries: The Mystic Traditions of Appalachia and the poetry books, Voice Hunting and Memory Train, as well as the forthcoming, Drifting in Awe. Visit his website at:

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